Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
