i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
