everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
