just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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