whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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