I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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