i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
