@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
