she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
