My first STD was from a foam party
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
