I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
