I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
