love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When are your genitals available?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
