Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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