32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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