who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
