Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is Oprah even human
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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