Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
