Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
