What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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