I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
