what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's the barista slut.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
