someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
