I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize