His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
