R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
