Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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