You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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