oh god the rape fog is back!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
