this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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