I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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