Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
