Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
