I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
