I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
