since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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