I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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