Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
