I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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