We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
