actually, I'm a sock model
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
