you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
