the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
