I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
