half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
