I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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