i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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