Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your parents love me but you hate me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
