i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
