He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
