There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
