I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
