My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
