Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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