My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
