He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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