i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
