this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
