hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
