You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
