Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
