he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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