your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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