I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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