Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
